I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
