Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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