just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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