I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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