Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
