bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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