my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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