You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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