Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
