i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
