dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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