Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
