HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
