I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
