is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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