Will you blow on my dice?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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