god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
