Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I cannot find my penis.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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