i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
