I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
