walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
