Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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