Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
