my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I need moral support for this bender
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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