dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
