genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
