are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
