Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
