2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
