we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
