I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
