Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Life is so much better after having sex.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
