so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
