Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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