he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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