Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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