The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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