I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
