She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
