The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
