did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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