i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
