If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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