Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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