She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
