i think my tv is drunk
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
