I got chris browned last night
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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