I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
