I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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