There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
