no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
