end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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