He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
