I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
