I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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